dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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