Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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