yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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