I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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