The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
