It's Friday. Sex?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
