They should really pass out barf bags in church
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
