he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
