How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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