Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
