I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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