All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
