I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
