i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
