Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
