I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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