I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
