Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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