I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
