Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
