A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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