Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
