While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize