she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
