dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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