dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
