I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
