last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
