Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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