next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
