i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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