I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
