her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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