Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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