Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
