I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
