Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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