ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
