remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
