you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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