It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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