It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
