You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
