Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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