I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
