why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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