i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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