Cold hands, warm shart.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
