i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
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i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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