Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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