whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
