She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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