the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
