I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
