Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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