would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
