i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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