never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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