i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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