Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
