So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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